Nevermind, I was being an idiot!
don’t call yourself name ,i have never bought a hammer header as i like soldering , but I sure have been idiot with more than one Pi accessory .go forward and Hammer lightly ! :)
The youtube instructions had thick white nylon screws that pressure fit to get it all sturdy.
The kit delivered had thinner screws that left it wobbling around like jelly, and I bent a header out of shape trying to use it like that. What I failed to notice was the tiiiiny nuts in the bottom of the bag that you have to use with these newer screws, which clamps it all together nicely.
Luckily, I bought a second header just in case, and am up and running now :)